Short and Sweet- My Class Reunion

The night before my 10 year class reunion, I was having nightmares that nobody I was excited to see showed up, only people I didn't like very much or had no interest in catching up with. The fake ones, the ones who were my friend up until graduation day and then that was it. But guess what. It was amazing! I felt so good walking into the room, loved my outfit, I had a smile on my face, took a deep breath, said "okay," and went down the last step. Instantly got hugs from former classmates. Between the hugging and looking over to see Tiffany, one of my closest friends throughout high school running over to me, I knew I was in for a great night. A lot of my night was spent hanging around with my normal group that I had back in the day and that was amazing, the last time I saw them was when Dan and Lacey got married.. That was a while ago, by the way! I loved dancing the night away with them, I left with a smile on my face because of moments like that. I also absolutely loved walking around and talking with people whom I rarely connected with in school, it was after graduation that we were Facebook friends. When I wasn't dancing, that's what i was doing and I loved it. I didn't want the night to end, but it did and I was back in Albertville by midnight. I've been talking about it and telling my friends about it all week and explaining to them how happy I am that I went, I'm so happy I danced, caught up, played in the photo booth and even met new friends. It was my favorite night that I've had in a while and I mean that. Like I said, short and sweet post tonight, but don't worry because I also learned that night that you guys actually enjoy reading this thing and I NEED to get better at this! That being said, I've got two more that I'm working on as you read this. Thank for you reading my random thoughts and terrible at times writing, I like to write how I speak, I think that makes it even more real than it actually is. Oh! here are a couple of pictures from that great night, Osseo, let's not make it another decade!

Osseo Kicks 2006!

If you had asked me 3 months ago if I'd be attending my 10 year (HOW!?) High School reunion, chances are I would have said "no". No, I didn't really have a bad experience in school, most of that happened in Jr. High. I had two guys pretend to have a crush on me because it's funny to play a joke on the fat girl, and I had one REALLY mean girl named Kenosha, she went on to another school not even in by district and I'm not even sure she graduated. As for the mean boys, I remember one of them saying "who would want to wake up in the morning next to Katie Toupal?" Yeah. That hurt. No wonder I lack confidence in the dating department. One of them went on to Park Center, and the other left me alone, even when we had a class together. Back to my original point, I'm rambling. I would have said no just because I was extremely embarrassed by where my life was heading. I was unemployed pretty much, just serving lattes, living at home and extremely single; I got the invite a week after being fired! Well, one of those has changed and I'm damn proud and excited to talk about where I'm working. I've dreamt of working at this station since it launched. And I went through absolute hell to get here. But I did it! I'm still living at home, yes. That'll change with time and it's not like I want to, I have no financial choice. And my dating life? Well.. yeah. Single.. Perpetually and hopelessly devoted to a guy who could care less of my existence.. But that's okay, I'm independent and dating is absolutely exhausting, the right guy will come when we're both ready... Or some cheesy thing like that. A friend asked if I was bringing anyone, nope.. I got one ticket. "But Katie, who are you going to hang out with?" One thing I've always been proud of myself for is how I handle a social situation. Sometime back in 8th grade, I snapped and decided I wasn't going to be shy anymore. Awkward? Absolutely! But quiet? no. I had my go-to friends in high school and I'm so excited to see them and visit with them and their spouses but i also know that I'll be okay mingling and chatting with people whom maybe I never spoke to in school. It'll be fun! Here's A throwback Pic for ya! Another reason I can't wait is because I am NOT that girl anymore! That girl was eating fast food and sitting on the couch with ice cream every night and was left out on the field for mile run day! I'm proud of that. call me arrogant, that's fine. But I earned the right to be happy and proud of myself, right!? The big night is Saturday (post-Luke Bryan hangover will be in full effect!) Check back here for how an update sometime next week!

The Scale Is Just A Number

I haven't stepped on a scale since I moved back home from Montana.. Nearly one year ago! I hate it, it means nothing to me, It doesn't know that I go to the gym and push myself 6 days a week, two hours a day. It doesn't know and it doesn't care. That being said, I had been feeling like I would see results and two GUYS, one of them being my trainer mentioned that I looked smaller... "way smaller." So, I did it. I went into the bathroom at the gym yesterday and stepped on. The number on that scale went against any compliment anyone has given me about looking in better shape. It ruined my mood, my workout and confidence for the day. Stepping on the scale and seeing that number didn't make me think "Oh, maybe it's the scale, I don't know how to use this one." It made me mad. I've been pinching every penny to eat right and pay for good workouts and the support of an amazing trainer/friend and I've got nothing to show. We all know that's a load of shit. Me feeling fat the rest of the day and being on the verge of tears was for no reason. Yes, it's normal, I should feel disappointed, but that's crap. Hell, on Monday, we had a reps challenge and I was intimidated by the fit girls by my side and i was the first one done. I wanted to puke, but I did it. so, screw the scale. I emailed Kirk (trainer) and told him how upset I was and he reminded me that we switched up my workouts to lifting more, so I've definitely got more muscle than fat mass and that's where the scale doesn't know. and he said I was looking "way way smaller." It's really hard not to let the scale get to me, but that's why I lean on the trainer and everybody at my gym. we push each other and motivate each other. Anybody who finds themselves in a life long battle with that thing needs to pay more attention to themselves, what they're doing, how they're eating, how are the clothes fitting. HOW DO YOU FEEL? That's what's important. screw the numbers!

Back Where I Belong!

After 6 LONG months of being quiet and feeling like my life was over, that my country radio dream was never going to happen, I can happily say that I'm back! Where? You ask? Am I moving away again? No! Minneapolis, I'm Back and it feels good to be......

Buzn! I've wanted for a LOOOOOONG time to be apart of this amazing station and I'm so happy that they're willing to give me a chance! When can you hear me? Thursday and Friday nights 7pm-10pm and Sunday nights as well. I'm so excited to get to talk to the audience again about the music that I feel so passionately about and most importantly, I can't wait to connect with listeners again! My first shift is this Thursday night (7/21) tune in! I'm incredibly nervous, but I'm counting down the seconds! A big thank you to everyone who has kept me from falling apart and who kept telling me that I'll be okay, you were right!

5K Playlist

I'd been wanting to run the Twin Cities In Motion's Red, Whitw and boom 5k for a few years, so today, I did! It was a beautiful course and a fun environment, can't wait until next year! I had said when I registered that I wanted to do it in 35 Minutes or less and I was pretty confident that with the interval training I've been doing, I'd be able to easily meet that goal. Did I?

Hope. Missed it by 4-ish minutes. Dang it! I'm happy with it considering how crummy I was feeling this morning, and one thing I told my trainer was that it was nice not being one of the last ones to finish; normally I'm in the very back of the group. I'll take that as a victory in my book! Before you tell or roll you eyes, there's nothing wrong with being in the back of the pack, you're there, you're being active and you should be proud of that! One of my favorite parts of these organized runs is getting to make a playlist. I make a different one each time I go out, a lot of the songs are the same, but I'm tricking my mind by throwing a few new ones in there.... Or something like that! I do, however, have two songs that MUST be on every one: Jason Aldean (obviously)- Night Train. If you follow me on any form of social media, you know that this is my 1 song I could listen to for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy if I never heard any other song again. Something about it brings me back to earth whenever I'm in a stressed out moment or just need to stop and breathe. We all have something that does that for us, this does it for me. It's always placed in the middle of a run. And the other? Life House (yes)- Hanging By A Moment. Whenever I say this to people, they laugh. Maybe it's a personal connection to the song, a memory that it brings back, something about screaming along to this song is extremely helpful to me in any given moment. I'll never not listen to this song. As for the rest of the playlist, check it out and enjoy :).

How Getting Fired Changed Me

It's been almost 6 months since I heard the words "today is your last day," and as I have more time to think about it, I've started to think about all the ways this experience has ruined me. How it has completely changed me into a person I don't like at all. Aside from the typical and expected loss of income, being bored, feeling lazy and doubting yourself, I've noticed other things. I use to be this girl who could walk into a room full of strangers and own it. I was perfectly fine on my own and mingling, and if I wasn't comfortable, I faked it til I made it. All of the confidence I've built up over the years is gone. I feel myself becoming the shy girl I was back in Junior high before I stopped caring what people thought of me. Granted, some of the lack of confidence came from being rejected by a guy whom I fell petty hard for, but the rest of it came along when I lost my job. I find myself constantly worried that people are judging my or disappointed in me. I call myself a loser on a regular basis and that's the truth. And I know, I can hear people saying now, "you should be proud of the things you accomplished in other areas of your life, your weight loss." I know. I am proud, the gym is quite possibly the only place I go where I feel I can be myself and not feel this way. So hold that lecture, I got it. This is different. I find myself worried that when i walk away from someone, they immediately talk about me, I constantly feel like I'm bothering my friends if I text them something and unlike my past self, I find social situations a little scary now. I also find myself angry more often or in a bad mood. I use to always wear a smile on my face but now, even fake smiles are hard to come by. Most of that comes when I have to go clock in at my part time/in between jobs job, I cringe whenever anyone asks how I am. It's not their fault, they don't know what happened and I know that also, otherwise I wouldn't have just written that. I use to always be the one looking to try new things or go with the flow, but now I feel like I'm sitting around waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I feel like what can go wrong will go wrong. I adore my mom, but the thing that really bothers me about her is the fact that she never leaves the house unless it's for work, she fears life and adventures. That's not a way to live, I went skydiving last year, that's the way I want to live, but here I sit, worried. One thing I have gained though is my appreciation for the little things. Things like when my dog is out on a walk but he runs back to jump up on me to check in then go back to sniffing the grass, the summer nights sitting around a fire, the sunset in albertville every night, the little things. I was always go go go and paid no attention to how comforting little small things could be until now. So where am I at? I had an interview last week in Sioux Falls, SD and I enjoyed my stay. The staff was amazing and the location was great, now to play the waiting game. I've also got an interview Wednesday, I've never wanted a job more. I'm not a big "send good vibes" type of person, but cross your damn fingers for me that this goes well. There is one thing that hasn't changed and that's my will to keep fighting. I still workout every day and eat healthy and I look for jobs every day and apply when I see one that looks like a good fit for my experience. That radio station may have completely destroyed me, but they can't take that from me, they tried, but I will fucking win that battle. Last thought, I don't want pitty. I don't want people feeling bad for me or telling me that it's going to be okay, I wrote this for people who have been in this situation, so they know they're not alone in how they're feeling. That, and I'm sick of lying and telling people that I'm doing good or just fine. That's not real, but these struggles are.

Memories With Grandpa

I often get asked the questions wondering what happened to my dad or asking if I've ever met him and you know what? I don't need to! I have no interest. My "dad" made the decision to not be in my life. Ever. He doesn't deserve to know me and I often tell people that it's his loss because it is. It was my gain, too. I had a grandpa! I spent every weekend with him growing up and I consider myself to be the female version of him. He was funny, he found humor in everything. He was nice to everyone as we all should be. He was everything a Person should be and I'll never know another person like him as longn as I live. I remember loving Taco Johns as a kid,'so every Saturday, we'd go to white bear lake and he would order two tacos for each of us and we would sit by the lake and I use to think it was so funny the way he would eat them. It was like he was digging his face into the wrapper and devouring that as well. Every time I eat a taco, it brings me back to moments like that. People always make fun of me for loving to watch golf, I looked forward to phone conversations with him and making fake bets on who was going to win that weekend. I loved listening to him tell the pro through the television, as If they could hear him, what they should have done instead, or yelling at the ball. Anything, he knew best and I loved learning the game of golf through his eyes and ears. And you know how grandpa always knows best when it comes to fixing things? Well, he was always over at my house as a kid fixing my moms junky car, especially her muffler. Just like any other week, it had fallen down and grandpa and I picked up the wrong part at the store so he scrambled through the garage to find ANYTHING that could possibly work. What did he use? A training wheel. Yep, you read that correctly. He had somehow found a way to wrap my training where around it and rig the muffler back into its place. No "dad" could ever think of that in my life. A training wheel. How, um, creative! I would often call him around election season because it was fun to get him fired up. Neither of us wanted to argue with the other, but we secretly were arguing in our own minds. One of my favorite phone calls came when I was in college and Obama had been elected for his first term, there was a block party going on in Mankato. I answered his call and he said "I'm just calling to say that, well, whoever it is you voted for, I hope they won. I love you, good night." He was so upset by the election but he couldn't bare to ask me who I voted for. I still have a voicemail from him on that Election Day. I will keep that forever. One of my last memories with him came on my 21st birthday, I believe he knew he was sick and wouldn't get better. He called me up and asked for cake and ice cream and I couldn't say no. I went over and spent the day of my 21st birthday with him. Little did I know that that was the last day I would get to spend in the garden with him picking flowers and helping him with the tomato plants that I loved so much. He died the next month and I say holding his hand as long as possible. I can still her the smile on his face when I told him I wasn't leaving.

There's so much of him that I see in myself and I don't ever spend a day not thinking of memories like the ones I just told you about. His ability to light up a room and wear a smile on even the toughest days always blew My mind. I love how stubborn I am because of him, he taught me that it's okay to not be shy and to talk to strangers. We couldn't go to fleet farm on Saturdays unless we had a 5 hour time block because he would just stand and talk to everyone. My friends can't take me anywhere now without me doing the same. I hope that makes him proud. So back to the point of this, no, I don't need to know anything about my "dad" because I had one and no one will replace that relationship. I'm the winner because he chose to not be in my life, I had my grandpa!