"F*** Being Single."

A few times a month, I have conversations about being single and how much it sucks with one of my best friends. Tonight, she said something to me that really made me sad. It was along the lines of her being worried that someone's not into her and thinking she's not worthy. This is what I said back: "You're amazing. Never think you're not worthy. Anyone who has crossed paths with you is lucky. Remember that :)" No one should EVER make her or anyone else feel unworthy of love and a relationship. Never. We all deserve to feel wanted and important to someone. I've got this one person in my life who has done a very good job in making me feel unworthy, even of his friendship at times. Once it came out that I had feelings for him and it was out in the open, I became an option and not a priority. That is never okay. It has taken me years to see that being ignored by someone whom I call a best friend isn't okay, especially when I have always made this person a priority. My poor girlfriends who have stayed up late with me talking this through! I'm sorry!! What I'm also thinking about now is, why do we complain about being single? Is it because everyone around us is getting married? For me, I just want someone to have someone to tell good news to when it happens right away, or Someone to call when something bad happens and I want someone to hang out with and be my best friend. There is nothing wrong with that, right? Or maybe it's just a damn song coming through the speakers that triggers these angry, lonely feelings! Damn you, Ed Sheeran! I've gotten very good lately at telling myself that I deserve more and that's helped with this whole single thing. I'm okay being alone until I have someone who does want to hang out with me, share things with me and be a best friend. We're all worthy of that, aren't we?

Passion/$

I'm laying here on what seems like the millionth day of unemployment and I'm thinking about a news story I recently heard on Kare 11.

It basically said that Millenials (I hate that term) aren't making any more money than people our age were 30 years ago. 

I've never been one to really read more into a story, I'm a "get the headline and go" kind of gal, but one guy really stood out and hit home to me. 

He said he thinks it's because our generation focuses on finding a job that we're passionate about, something that gets us excited and not so much how much cash it'll get us. He hit the nail on the head!

In my current situation, people have talked to me and more annoyingly amongst themselves and said I should look outside of radio, find something that'll make me more money. But I don't want to, and I feel judged for that. Very judged. 

I live with my mom and every day she comes home complaining about her job, she's crabby and sometimes is afraid of her boss. Yeah, she makes "decent" money, but what kind of life is that!? I think of how different our lives would be, hers especially,  if she hadn't dropped out of nursing school just for the fact of making money quicker. 

If I was all about the money, I would have gotten a business degree, or gotten over my fear of needles and gone to medical school but I know that I wouldn't be happy. 

At some points in this radio journey did I lose sleep at night or feel stressed? Hell yes I did, but I didn't care. Country music is what I want to do, making people laugh makes me happy. If my job doesn't involve those two things, I don't want it. 

So, don't judge me. Especially because I'm one of the lucky ones who knows what she wants to do in life. A lot of people don't and they spend their lives trying to figure that shit out!

What's new on this job hunt?

I spent 8 years working for Caribou Coffee, a store manager/friend heard about my situation and said she needs my help. I swallowed my pride and told her I would be available to her, but if a radio job comes up, I'm out. She understands. 

I'm also heading out of town for a final interview with a country station. Do I want to move away again? Absolutely not. But, I realize that I have to if I want to ever put on my hot pink headphones again. 

That Kare 11 story is what encouraged me to go up for a final interview, I needed that push. I wasn't giving up, but I felt like I was giving in to failure and taking the easy way out by returning to a past job. If you know me, I do NOT take failure lightly. Just ask people who have watched me try and snowboard ;). 

Have a great weekend, I'll try and be better about posting! 

Here's the story: