"F*** Being Single."

A few times a month, I have conversations about being single and how much it sucks with one of my best friends. Tonight, she said something to me that really made me sad. It was along the lines of her being worried that someone's not into her and thinking she's not worthy. This is what I said back: "You're amazing. Never think you're not worthy. Anyone who has crossed paths with you is lucky. Remember that :)" No one should EVER make her or anyone else feel unworthy of love and a relationship. Never. We all deserve to feel wanted and important to someone. I've got this one person in my life who has done a very good job in making me feel unworthy, even of his friendship at times. Once it came out that I had feelings for him and it was out in the open, I became an option and not a priority. That is never okay. It has taken me years to see that being ignored by someone whom I call a best friend isn't okay, especially when I have always made this person a priority. My poor girlfriends who have stayed up late with me talking this through! I'm sorry!! What I'm also thinking about now is, why do we complain about being single? Is it because everyone around us is getting married? For me, I just want someone to have someone to tell good news to when it happens right away, or Someone to call when something bad happens and I want someone to hang out with and be my best friend. There is nothing wrong with that, right? Or maybe it's just a damn song coming through the speakers that triggers these angry, lonely feelings! Damn you, Ed Sheeran! I've gotten very good lately at telling myself that I deserve more and that's helped with this whole single thing. I'm okay being alone until I have someone who does want to hang out with me, share things with me and be a best friend. We're all worthy of that, aren't we?

What The Grey's!?

Tis the season of Shonda! Shonda Rhimes, that is!

If there's anyone who owns Thursday nights and cliffhangers, it's her and with it being finale week, who knows what she has up her sleeves. 

Tomorrow is the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy" and it's no stranger to having jaw dropping endings, and based on what cast members are saying, this one will be no exception. 

They're teasing it to be a bigger catastrophe than the death of McDreamy, Derek Shepard. How!!!? 

Since we're so close to the finale, here are my thoughts on a few situations. If you're not all caught up, stop reading! 

My favorites first. Jackson and April: get your shit together and be together!!! Their relationship has been a disaster, yes, but a beautiful one. They're best friends and they truly need each other. It's in the way they look at each other and talk about each other. My favorite moment, okay, my two favorites happened a few weeks ago when he was looking at their marriage documents and he went to april saying he was done fighting and that she was his favorite person, then she had him feel the baby kick. Classic Japril moment! My second favorite was last week, she was on the stairs and they were talking, he reached out to touch her belly and quickly pulled back. I cried like a baby! They need to be together. End of story. Come on, Shonda!Meredith: she only hooked up with Riggs to get back at Owen for his relationship with Amelia! Both Mer and Riggs have been super frustrated and haven't liked each other and some times, that's how we get over it. Hopefully it's just a fling... Please? I love the friendship she has with Dr. Karev, he's the only one allowed to put her in her place now that Yang and Derek are gone. Do I think she overreacted last week during her blow up with Amelia? A little. But there's usually more to the story and I'm sure we'll find it out later. I get it, everyone's life is coming together while hers is still in pieces. Why should she be happy? I wouldn't be!Jo and Karev: is she freaking crazy!!!? She said she couldn't marry him! Why!? I've been hoping for them to be married since she got into the picture. They're both dark and twisty, they're tough and came from a tough up bringing. They're perfect together! I'm sure things about Jo will be coming out, there has to be a method behind that madness. Right? What do you think? Another question, my mom is hoping for Karev and Meredith to come together. I'm slowly coming around to that, what do you think?Owen and Amelia: I can't stand Amelia. I don't understand why she's here and I especially don't get that relationship. Maybe it's because I loved Christina Yang, maybe it's because they're on again/off again is annoying or maybe I just don't like her. Maybe it's all of the above? Either way, not a fan and who knows if it's actually going to happen. Arizona and Callie: GOODBYE Penny!!! I hope she's gone to New York and never comes back. That whole story line to me was ridiculous. She was a constant reminder that Derek was gone. How could Callie love her? And she loved her enough to think about giving everything up! I've never been a fan of Arizona until this season. I've always thought she was whiny and gross, but in the courtroom episode aired, I, along with everyone there, quickly became a fan. I'm happy about the way things played out there, Callie had it coming. With the finale coming tomorrow, I'll wait a few days and then come right back here for a recap! I'll let the important blogs/magazines spoil everything first!

Just A Thought

I've never thought of myself as an inspiration, in fact, I never know how to respond when someone says that I've inspired them. It brings tears to my eyes, the good kind, and I always only say "thank you," and move about the conversation. 

Tonight, I got a message from someone who use to come see me at my first Caribou store. She knew me when I was just an intern at a radio station, she knew me when I was 356 lbs, haven't seen her in years!

Why am I sharing this? Why not!? 

No, seriously, I don't think we ever know the impact of the nice things we say or do for eachother. 

Last night was another one of the nights where I faked a smile as I went through my shift of slinging lattes. I kept excusing myself from the counter so I could go in the back and give myself a pep talk and remind myself that this is a job and not a career. (Thanks to my friend, Bev, for pointing that out last week.)

My point is, that message was exactly what I wanted to hear. Exactly what I needed to hear. In a sense, it lifted a little weight off my shoulders and I don't know why. 

When you guys say that I've motivated or inspired you, you truly are doing just the same for me. Those sweet words keep me pushing for those extra pounds towards my goal and towards sending in yet another demo to a radio station. Thank you for that!

I think that sometimes, we hold in a compliment from someone because we think they won't care if we like their necklace or if we thought their joke was funny. But the truth is, we all need to hear good things about ourselves, don't we all deserve to? 

Don't hold back the next nice thing you want to say to someone, they may be having a terrible time and you could be exactly what they need. Even if you've never even met that person before.  

My Bi-Weekly Check In

Ok, maybe it's a tri-weekly thing, not sure. Life has been a bumpy road, like the last few months, so that's new? 

I owe you an apology for not having pictures from my Vegas trip and that's because I didn't go. The bigger apology goes to my best friend out there for me not showing. 

Why did I show? My mom hasn't been the healthiest of people throughout life, and life threw a little reminder of that our way. 

I was at the gym the morning before I was suppose to leave for my trip when I got a call that my mom needed to be taken to the ER. 

Won't go into blah blah details because nobody wants to hear that. So how is she now? Still trying to figure out what's wrong. But she's alive, that's what matters. 

The same day this all happened was the day we lost a true treasure to the music world, Prince. 

It's going to be one of those moments where I'll always remember where I was, who I was with and how I felt when the news broke. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I just remember telling to the radio," why!? No!" 

My jaw was on the floor and I didn't leave my couch for two days because I wanted to take in all the news I could about this. It consumes me. 

That Sunday, I woke up to rain and wanted to go visit Paisley Park. Let me tell you, Minnesota, you're perfect. Perfect in the way that we all came

Together and forgot about all the other protesting and drama that had taken over our state and it was to remember our hometown Prince. 

Just looking at all the memorials set up, the block parties and all the messages was enough to finally bring the waterworks from me. It was amazing. 

Prince was different and he made it okay for others to be different. There are so many artists who wouldn't be who they are without his influence. The music world owes him. 

I'm no longer paying attention to the news, though, because I don't want to know. Was it drugs? Maybe. Maybe it was an overdose. Who knows? But leave him alone. And I do fully understand that the media has to cover it. It would be lethal not to, I'm just not paying attention, let Prince remain a Prince. 

Another legend in the business is Garth Brooks! My friend, Kallie and I went on a road trip up to Fargo to get our fix of him and it was every bit of therapy that I needed! 

On the way there and back, we listened to the music we grew up on, the good 90's country, and shared stories that came with every song. Those were their old days! 

Someone I made a latte for said Fargo was a long ways to travel to see a concert, they're crazy. It's not just a concert. Garth Brooks is Garth Brooks. He's there for us. He knows the songs we want to hear and he talks to his audience like no one I've ever seen. He knows that we all pay to see him and he appreciates it. He gets it. Oh, and his wife is perfection. 

The coolest part of the show was when it was just Garth on stage with his guitar and he was reading the signs in the crowd then playing whatever song the sign holder wanted to hear. You tell me who else would do that. He played a couple's first dance song and the guy cried! 

Last but definitely not least, the job update. I had a job lined up in Fargo, I signed my contract, finally

Figured out a living situation and then my mom got sick. 

I did what any good daughter would do and asked for some time so that I could make sure she'll be okay. 

They said no. So it's back to square one. 

That's it for the update, I've sent out a couple more demos in hopes that somebody will take a chance, let's keep our fingers crossed. 

And as usual, thank you for all the love and continuing support! 

The First Two Weeks Suck

I met a new friend over the weekend at a housewarming party for one of my best friends and she mentioned that she loved going to farmers markets. 

As I got to talking to her more, I learned that she was getting ready to change her life! She's starting the whole 30 diet on Monday. 

Talking to her, reminded me a lot of my self, she said she's scared, she doesn't like he way she feels anymore and just doesn't feel good. 

Even if she didn't want it, I offered up some advice and this is what I said:

The first two weeks blow. They suck. There's no sugar coating that. You're not eating all the things you want, you feel tired and you're always hungry, they suck! 

I remember my first week of workouts after going hard core paleo, I was tired, crabby, dizzy and I always had a headache. My body was going through major withdrawals, but Kirk kept promising it would get better and it did. 

I started seeing the weight drop again and I felt, for lack of a better term, cleaner. 

She also mentioned that she had never really had a good support system, you can't do this without someone or a group of people backing you. No way!

I started making friends at the gym because I knew I didn't have support at home so I had to find it elsewhere and some of those people are now people I couldn't live without! 

We talk to eachother when we want to eat a big bowl of ice cream, have a bad day on the scale or when we just need a simple "you're amazing" text message. Everyone needs that, regardless of what you want to succeed at, right? 

I'm so happy I met her and I can't wait to watch her crush it! Just get through the first two weeks, girl. You've got it!