Short and Sweet- My Class Reunion

The night before my 10 year class reunion, I was having nightmares that nobody I was excited to see showed up, only people I didn't like very much or had no interest in catching up with. The fake ones, the ones who were my friend up until graduation day and then that was it. But guess what. It was amazing! I felt so good walking into the room, loved my outfit, I had a smile on my face, took a deep breath, said "okay," and went down the last step. Instantly got hugs from former classmates. Between the hugging and looking over to see Tiffany, one of my closest friends throughout high school running over to me, I knew I was in for a great night. A lot of my night was spent hanging around with my normal group that I had back in the day and that was amazing, the last time I saw them was when Dan and Lacey got married.. That was a while ago, by the way! I loved dancing the night away with them, I left with a smile on my face because of moments like that. I also absolutely loved walking around and talking with people whom I rarely connected with in school, it was after graduation that we were Facebook friends. When I wasn't dancing, that's what i was doing and I loved it. I didn't want the night to end, but it did and I was back in Albertville by midnight. I've been talking about it and telling my friends about it all week and explaining to them how happy I am that I went, I'm so happy I danced, caught up, played in the photo booth and even met new friends. It was my favorite night that I've had in a while and I mean that. Like I said, short and sweet post tonight, but don't worry because I also learned that night that you guys actually enjoy reading this thing and I NEED to get better at this! That being said, I've got two more that I'm working on as you read this. Thank for you reading my random thoughts and terrible at times writing, I like to write how I speak, I think that makes it even more real than it actually is. Oh! here are a couple of pictures from that great night, Osseo, let's not make it another decade!

Osseo Kicks 2006!

If you had asked me 3 months ago if I'd be attending my 10 year (HOW!?) High School reunion, chances are I would have said "no". No, I didn't really have a bad experience in school, most of that happened in Jr. High. I had two guys pretend to have a crush on me because it's funny to play a joke on the fat girl, and I had one REALLY mean girl named Kenosha, she went on to another school not even in by district and I'm not even sure she graduated. As for the mean boys, I remember one of them saying "who would want to wake up in the morning next to Katie Toupal?" Yeah. That hurt. No wonder I lack confidence in the dating department. One of them went on to Park Center, and the other left me alone, even when we had a class together. Back to my original point, I'm rambling. I would have said no just because I was extremely embarrassed by where my life was heading. I was unemployed pretty much, just serving lattes, living at home and extremely single; I got the invite a week after being fired! Well, one of those has changed and I'm damn proud and excited to talk about where I'm working. I've dreamt of working at this station since it launched. And I went through absolute hell to get here. But I did it! I'm still living at home, yes. That'll change with time and it's not like I want to, I have no financial choice. And my dating life? Well.. yeah. Single.. Perpetually and hopelessly devoted to a guy who could care less of my existence.. But that's okay, I'm independent and dating is absolutely exhausting, the right guy will come when we're both ready... Or some cheesy thing like that. A friend asked if I was bringing anyone, nope.. I got one ticket. "But Katie, who are you going to hang out with?" One thing I've always been proud of myself for is how I handle a social situation. Sometime back in 8th grade, I snapped and decided I wasn't going to be shy anymore. Awkward? Absolutely! But quiet? no. I had my go-to friends in high school and I'm so excited to see them and visit with them and their spouses but i also know that I'll be okay mingling and chatting with people whom maybe I never spoke to in school. It'll be fun! Here's A throwback Pic for ya! Another reason I can't wait is because I am NOT that girl anymore! That girl was eating fast food and sitting on the couch with ice cream every night and was left out on the field for mile run day! I'm proud of that. call me arrogant, that's fine. But I earned the right to be happy and proud of myself, right!? The big night is Saturday (post-Luke Bryan hangover will be in full effect!) Check back here for how an update sometime next week!

How Getting Fired Changed Me

It's been almost 6 months since I heard the words "today is your last day," and as I have more time to think about it, I've started to think about all the ways this experience has ruined me. How it has completely changed me into a person I don't like at all. Aside from the typical and expected loss of income, being bored, feeling lazy and doubting yourself, I've noticed other things. I use to be this girl who could walk into a room full of strangers and own it. I was perfectly fine on my own and mingling, and if I wasn't comfortable, I faked it til I made it. All of the confidence I've built up over the years is gone. I feel myself becoming the shy girl I was back in Junior high before I stopped caring what people thought of me. Granted, some of the lack of confidence came from being rejected by a guy whom I fell petty hard for, but the rest of it came along when I lost my job. I find myself constantly worried that people are judging my or disappointed in me. I call myself a loser on a regular basis and that's the truth. And I know, I can hear people saying now, "you should be proud of the things you accomplished in other areas of your life, your weight loss." I know. I am proud, the gym is quite possibly the only place I go where I feel I can be myself and not feel this way. So hold that lecture, I got it. This is different. I find myself worried that when i walk away from someone, they immediately talk about me, I constantly feel like I'm bothering my friends if I text them something and unlike my past self, I find social situations a little scary now. I also find myself angry more often or in a bad mood. I use to always wear a smile on my face but now, even fake smiles are hard to come by. Most of that comes when I have to go clock in at my part time/in between jobs job, I cringe whenever anyone asks how I am. It's not their fault, they don't know what happened and I know that also, otherwise I wouldn't have just written that. I use to always be the one looking to try new things or go with the flow, but now I feel like I'm sitting around waiting for the next thing to go wrong. I feel like what can go wrong will go wrong. I adore my mom, but the thing that really bothers me about her is the fact that she never leaves the house unless it's for work, she fears life and adventures. That's not a way to live, I went skydiving last year, that's the way I want to live, but here I sit, worried. One thing I have gained though is my appreciation for the little things. Things like when my dog is out on a walk but he runs back to jump up on me to check in then go back to sniffing the grass, the summer nights sitting around a fire, the sunset in albertville every night, the little things. I was always go go go and paid no attention to how comforting little small things could be until now. So where am I at? I had an interview last week in Sioux Falls, SD and I enjoyed my stay. The staff was amazing and the location was great, now to play the waiting game. I've also got an interview Wednesday, I've never wanted a job more. I'm not a big "send good vibes" type of person, but cross your damn fingers for me that this goes well. There is one thing that hasn't changed and that's my will to keep fighting. I still workout every day and eat healthy and I look for jobs every day and apply when I see one that looks like a good fit for my experience. That radio station may have completely destroyed me, but they can't take that from me, they tried, but I will fucking win that battle. Last thought, I don't want pitty. I don't want people feeling bad for me or telling me that it's going to be okay, I wrote this for people who have been in this situation, so they know they're not alone in how they're feeling. That, and I'm sick of lying and telling people that I'm doing good or just fine. That's not real, but these struggles are.

My Bi-Weekly Check In

Ok, maybe it's a tri-weekly thing, not sure. Life has been a bumpy road, like the last few months, so that's new? 

I owe you an apology for not having pictures from my Vegas trip and that's because I didn't go. The bigger apology goes to my best friend out there for me not showing. 

Why did I show? My mom hasn't been the healthiest of people throughout life, and life threw a little reminder of that our way. 

I was at the gym the morning before I was suppose to leave for my trip when I got a call that my mom needed to be taken to the ER. 

Won't go into blah blah details because nobody wants to hear that. So how is she now? Still trying to figure out what's wrong. But she's alive, that's what matters. 

The same day this all happened was the day we lost a true treasure to the music world, Prince. 

It's going to be one of those moments where I'll always remember where I was, who I was with and how I felt when the news broke. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I just remember telling to the radio," why!? No!" 

My jaw was on the floor and I didn't leave my couch for two days because I wanted to take in all the news I could about this. It consumes me. 

That Sunday, I woke up to rain and wanted to go visit Paisley Park. Let me tell you, Minnesota, you're perfect. Perfect in the way that we all came

Together and forgot about all the other protesting and drama that had taken over our state and it was to remember our hometown Prince. 

Just looking at all the memorials set up, the block parties and all the messages was enough to finally bring the waterworks from me. It was amazing. 

Prince was different and he made it okay for others to be different. There are so many artists who wouldn't be who they are without his influence. The music world owes him. 

I'm no longer paying attention to the news, though, because I don't want to know. Was it drugs? Maybe. Maybe it was an overdose. Who knows? But leave him alone. And I do fully understand that the media has to cover it. It would be lethal not to, I'm just not paying attention, let Prince remain a Prince. 

Another legend in the business is Garth Brooks! My friend, Kallie and I went on a road trip up to Fargo to get our fix of him and it was every bit of therapy that I needed! 

On the way there and back, we listened to the music we grew up on, the good 90's country, and shared stories that came with every song. Those were their old days! 

Someone I made a latte for said Fargo was a long ways to travel to see a concert, they're crazy. It's not just a concert. Garth Brooks is Garth Brooks. He's there for us. He knows the songs we want to hear and he talks to his audience like no one I've ever seen. He knows that we all pay to see him and he appreciates it. He gets it. Oh, and his wife is perfection. 

The coolest part of the show was when it was just Garth on stage with his guitar and he was reading the signs in the crowd then playing whatever song the sign holder wanted to hear. You tell me who else would do that. He played a couple's first dance song and the guy cried! 

Last but definitely not least, the job update. I had a job lined up in Fargo, I signed my contract, finally

Figured out a living situation and then my mom got sick. 

I did what any good daughter would do and asked for some time so that I could make sure she'll be okay. 

They said no. So it's back to square one. 

That's it for the update, I've sent out a couple more demos in hopes that somebody will take a chance, let's keep our fingers crossed. 

And as usual, thank you for all the love and continuing support! 

What I've Been Up To

First off, thanks to an Instagram follower for calling me out on being a terrible blogger and not updating for a while and asking for an update!

Secondly, I'm sorry! I've told you, I'm bad at this. I've gone around in circles daily wondering what to write about, and nothing made me so fired up that I had to write, so I didn't. I'm sorry!

Here's what I've been up to the last two weeks:

I started full time back at the coffee shop. 39 hours a week, 12-7:30 each day. I've had to re work my workout schedule, my eating schedule and say farewell to my social life, or so it feels. 

I could write about that or post here when I get home at night, but I want to walk my dog and eat before dark.. And then I fall asleep. Sorry! 

Something cool did happen there last week; a woman who I met at my original store came in and didn't recognize me. Once I started a conversation with her, she realized who I was. She said she didn't recognize me because I look so different than the last time she saw me. In the back of my mind, the whole time I've been losing weight, I always wanted that to happen. It sounds dumb, but that was a victory. That moment made the last few years worth it. It put a smile on my face that had been missing for months! 

The job front:

I posted that I want this mug on my first day at a new radio job. What I should have said was "once I get a new radio gig, I'm rewarding myself with this mug."

I've had a ton of interviews, reached

out to personal connections and sent hundreds of demos. I'm trying. Hard. 

I met with a local small station here a few weeks ago, it wasn't for a country spot, but it was mornings and it would hold me over until I found something. Had my heart set on that. My friend there called me today and apologetically said he couldn't take me on as a paid employee. They just don't have the money like he had hoped. I'm crushed. But I respect him for being honest with me and caring enough to call and keep me in the loop. He actually wants me to succeed. 

I also had an interview for a station in Wisconsin, it went good, the guy was great and super nice to me. He said he was impressed with my knowledge and passion for the industry. It's a top 40 station and mornings, nothing came of that interview, but I'm glad I talked to them strictly because of the nice things that guy had to say. 

In more positive news, I do have a contract somewhere. I've been in contact with this station pretty much since I was fired. I'm not going to announce where it is or my time slot until I find a place to live. I've been struggling and stressing about that and it's hard to get excited until that slightly important factor gets taken care of. Stay tuned. (What's the proper blog term for that?)

To all of my supporters and followers, hold tight, I'll be back in your radio/smart phone soon. Sooner rather than later. I promise. 

I've had people reach out to me on Twitter and Instagram asking when they can hear me again, you guys will never know how happy those messages have made me. They have made me miss country radio and the microphone more than I already did. I love you guys. 

I'm heading to Las Vegas this weekend to see my best friend, Leah. God, I miss her and I need her! Follow me on Twitter/Instagram @RadioKatie1 for our shenanigans, I cannot WAIT! 

Have a good week, and thank you

For calling me out on not posting ;).